Ward round

32 patients,

every one

being

patient

waiting

their turn

For the doctor

to reach

them,

to arrive

with

News.

 

I wait,

waiting;

for

the doctor

with her

young

friends

medical notes.

computer.

 

I have been waiting

now

44 hours

for the test

result.

 

I know it

I know it

I know it isn’t going to be good.

 

I remember

the last time

when

I was waiting

and the doctor

called me in and

high-grade

and

cancer

and

breast

were all mentioned

then

I didn’t wait as long.

 

Now

I am waiting

and it is going

to be

bad

a

proper

death

sentence

this

time.

 

Waiting;

time

slowed

to the point

that I am able to

predict

the actions

and

movements

and

sounds;

cough,

fart,

groan,

sniff;

of

all the other

ladies

in the bay;

 

I spend my time

observing

monitoring

Clock –

Watching

Candy –

Crushing.

 

Sleepless.

 

Eventually

they are

with Nora next

to me

 

Telling her

secrets

through the curtain

that I can hear

even though

I try not,

try not to listen;

 

How are your bowels?

waterworks?

any bleeding?

pain?

Home soon.

 

And they are taking

too

long

with my records;

they should be here now.

 

Like waiting

on a train

that is travelling to you

for you

with you,

yet,

Delayed.

 

no news

no news

no result, yet;

 

They too seem frustrated

at the delay.

 

They are visibly discomfited

I tell them

It’s OK

when

It really isn’t

and

I can’t

wait any longer.

 

I vomit,

sick

with worry.