Yesterday I didn’t blag

Blagging.

It’s a thing.

You could interpret it as pretending to know or be better at something than you are.

 

Today I was told that my lack of competence in a meeting I was chairing wasn’t apparent until I told everyone that I wasn’t sure what I was doing.

 

I love being honest.

 

I hate it when people pretend.

When there is a pretence that I am better

Or faster

Or cleverer

Than I really am.

 

You see,

When people portray an image of themselves

That is pumped-up to twice their real size

Then,

Everyone else feels unsettled;

Anxious.

 

Many years ago,

I was supporting a patient through several sessions of psychotherapy.

He told me about his life experiences

And I listened,

Recording,

Reflecting,

Nodding.

 

Then,

I revealed to him

That he was my first patient;

That was a little time ago.

 

It is important to be open, to say what is.

 

Cheating,

Pretending

Just leads to tears.

 

Maybe ten years before that (I am talking the late 80’s)

It was in a history class;

I was explaining something about the Romans,

Why or what they did to the Kingdom of Judea in ancient times.

 

Then again,

I paused,

Mid-sentence

And announced, ‘I don’t really know what I am saying’

 

Honesty is the best policy,

My mum would always say.

 

Yet, we live in a world that rewards superfice.

 

I look tanned, as if,

My hair is dark, as if,

My car is bigger, as if.

 

All that kind of posturing.

 

We aren’t much more advanced

Than

peacocks;

of Lyre birds.

 

If evolution is based on show, perhaps, that is the way to go?

 

Is this concern with the concrete a distraction?

 

Shouldn’t we all

Trump-like

Pose with fake hair, teeth and bellies.

Shouldn’t we all make-believe.

Isn’t that Hollywood?

Show-business.

 

Another memory,

My teacher Naomi,

One of the most incredible people I have ever known;

She was artist and scientist,

Mother,

Thinker,

Philosopher

And friend.

 

During a classroom discussion we talked about

The pros

And cons

Of being an actor.

 

‘How hard it must be to be someone you aren’t,

At what point is there a risk of slipping out of yourself,

Forgetting who you are, losing your point of origin.’

 

I have carried this with me

Over the years.

 

I remember visiting her

during the period of her mourning

for lost

beautiful daughter

who died

from a surgical accident.

 

It is a whirl

Of past and present;

 

Standing tall,

Erect,

Strong.

However,

Is the essence of honesty,

of openness

transparency?

 

I am what I am;

sum id quod sum.

Nay.