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It seemed inevitable,

Well, not necessarily, it could have remained a flat-line;

That hasn’t been the case.

Since I started blogging in 2015

More people have been reading.

I still don’t know what is most popular – blogs or poems.

Poems are certainly easier to pen although the blogs are likely better for self-expression.

The numbers of readers have been rising (here is the data if anyone is interested)

2015 – 1,759

2016 – 5,142,

2017 – 11, 048

2018 – 20, 617

(At this rate it will take me until somewhere in 2023 to reach a million people).

Ironically, as the blogs have become more popular, I have become more constrained in how and what I write. I guess the chance of my upsetting someone or taking a wrong-turn has increased.

For the first-time ever this year I was invited to tone it down.

(Here I reflect on Biko’s book… I write what I like – look where that got him.)

I know I could give-up; there would be no great loss. I could resort to the diary or journal, but I have never been very good at that, I always seem to drift away. There is something special about blogs, likely the immediacy of sharing that makes the medium hypnotic. (aka a dopamine thing)

And yet, I don’t open-up fully, there is always more to say, more life that has been lived, more time passed for reflection.

It is interesting that this year, in a sensational media event, a doctor was called-out for the content of their reflection; their openness and honesty with themselves and their supervisor was made public, all, sending a shiver through the profession.

And, what is the point?

I originally started blogging to make some of my ideas concrete.

The relationship between safety, mindfulness, imagination, the unconscious and creativity were early themes.

More recently I seem to have focused on analysis of my life as a doctor – the good, the bad, the challenging. Mostly I feel I ask questions; only occasionally do I arrive at an answer.

I have some dedicated readers who make me feel worthwhile.

In the three years I have been blogging I have only had one, maybe two altercations with readers, and those mostly misunderstandings. (Not counting the time I was blocked!)

Blogging is walking a tightrope.

It’s not the fall that kills you.

Perhaps I am running-out of things to say;

There is an adage; when in doubt, act.

Perhaps I should adopt, when in doubt, shut up.

Sometimes I think of white blood cells and their response to infection; the overwhelming increase of defensive mechanisms aimed at maintaining the status quo.

Mostly it is just self-expression.

Bruce Lee called Jeet Kune Do the art of expressing the human body.

Perhaps blogs are the art of expressing the human spirit.

The spirit encounters ups and downs, rides a roller-coaster, frequently made more vulnerable by changing seasons.

I remember in the 1980s they used to talk about biorhythms. These still exist today although they sit firmly in the realm of pseudo-science.

And yet… our world is in flux, it does follow a pattern, we are travelling in time and space with an uncertain destination.

When will we get where?


It wasn’t inevitable that more people would read the blog,

That attention would grow.

Would I have carried-on as I did back in 2015 if nothing had changed?

An aspect of this is nostalgia.

We like to look back on the surety of a lived-past and remember.

Once I was young, now I am old. Tomorrow who knows?

This is the same logic that prevents me from planning too far ahead.

Yesterday, someone asked me to book a meeting for next November.

I said yes, but I just cannot conceive of such a thing.

They talk of five-year plans, I tend to live in a five-minute window of being. Now and a minute, now and a little bit more. You’d think a lifetime of experience would convince me differently, but not.

Yesterday is a comfort.

Safe in heaven, dead, Said Kerouac.

I get the sentiment!

Why not exist perpetually in a merry moment? Why not maintain a constant now/joy?

I guess it’s not how we are programmed.

If you can balance the threat of tomorrow, weave this in to a context of eternal optimism, you are moving in the right direction.

Let it flow, as they say.



2 replies »

  1. A person writing a blog surely should be free to express their feelings and opinions, though working in a structured environment a factor. A million followers might read a Justin Bieber ( a bit out-of-date on pop stars!) – fame for a season and then forgotten.
    Your blogs are interesting, thought-provoking, balanced and ultimately life-affirming.
    Long may they continue! ( Lang may your lum reek?)

    Liked by 1 person

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