Covid has made me crepuscular

It’s odd.

When I was a kid this was how I used to function; it appears to be happening again.

Crepuscular is the behaviour displayed by certain animals who are active at dawn and dusk; not nocturnal, I suspect because their eyesight isn’t brilliant and they like their sleep and, neither diurnal as I guess, they are scaredy-cats.

The two animals I think of when I consider dawn and dusk wakening are rabbits and deer; I am sure there are more – likely, had the foxes not been wiped-out where I live, they’d be out and about too.

There is another phenomenon that is associated with waking very early; this is called early-morning wakening; people most commonly develop this as a symptom of anxiety or depression. Often, following a night of disturbed sleep the person wakes early, their minds spinning with worrisome or negative thoughts, they toss and turn, dread the alarm-clock, count the minutes before the bell and repeat the following day.

Crepuscular is different (this from someone who has intimate knowledge of both states).

Crepuscular is when you wake early because there is much to do, and, for me, the weekend is an extreme example of this state. Monday to Friday it is full-on sorting, organising, supporting – meetings and review of patients, coordinating actions, communicating. Note – I have not said ‘caring’ as I feel, during Covid that term should be reserved for those on the frontlines providing the close one to one care.

I care, but in a different way.

What I do is less heroic.

In turn, I tend to head to bed very early, to start the process again; me and my dog out at half-five, into deserted streets, just the rabbits freaked by my presence and the deer, puzzled perhaps by my grin.


Published by rodkersh1948

Trying to understand the world, one emotion at a time.

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